”I lied.” It was true he did agree but his heart disagreed. His blue eyes looked into hers, searching them for anything. Any sign of hope. He was sure she was going to pull away but he prayed she didn’t. He prayed she would give him that small sliver of hope, the one more chance that he could maybe correct his wrong or at least let her know what he said wasn’t true. She didn’t pull away though and instead scooted closer wrapping her arms around his neck and whispered softly against his lips. A soft grin made its way to his lips as she gave in to his touch nearly melting away into nothing as she arched into him. His fingers pulsated against her soft warm skin. ”I love you too.” he whispered just as soft and just as loving. It seemed no matter what he did, he always did the wrong thing. At this point, he was well aware that this was wrong but there was such a deep satisfaction he felt in his soul. For the first time since he had separated from Larkin, he finally felt content. ”I won’t make that mistake again..”

She nibbled and moved against him his hands falling to her hips. She damn well begged for him. As he shifted to try and do what he usually did he got a swift reminder that he was not at all as nimble at the moment. Her question rang in his ears and he nodded but slyly he reasoned. ”Only if we don’t be careful.” his pressed gently upwards as she skimmed the hem of his pants. ”I’ll show you.” he growled satisfied.


-----


Once the passion had settled so did his underlying bit of guilt. He should feel guilty but it wasn’t nearly as overwhelming as it had been when he slept with Lucia behind Larkin’s back. No less the guilt was there. His hip was definitely reminding him that they had abused the inflamed. It was hot and very painful. Moving didn’t sound the least bit appealing to him. Closing his eyes for a moment he savored in just having Larkin close. His fingers ghosted along her skin again but being outside he knew he would have to let her pull her clothes firmly back on her. He leaned his nose in towards her hair again, breathing quietly and giving a canine sounding purr that was more of a soft soothed growl. ”Cold air is gonna get to you if you aren’t careful.”

She was distracted. He could only imagine why. Blue eyes stayed on her in a quiet observational way as she agreed and pulled her pants back up and slid her boots back on. He shifted a little to help himself though wincing from the inflammation and irritation though still leaving them slung low on his hips.She leaned on him and ran her fingers along the angry skin causing small little needles to follow the feathery touch but he didn’t complain. He just watched her. Watched as this storm was brewing up inside of her causing her to be distant and far off in her head. Her question that soon followed the silence was the final nail in the coffin. Was she regretting this? He wondered how and why… why was it that when he was finally so sure of something that the other wasn’t?

He kept his facial features completely fallen and unreadable. Disappointment sat in the pit of his stomach or maybe it was the pain making him nauseated again he wasn’t sure. But He didn’t want the bit of hurt to resurface again as he felt powerless in this situation. He didn’t use judgment not like he should have. ”What do you want me to do?” he asked her. It wasn’t meant to be a harsh question, he was asking literally what she would suggest he does. If she didn’t want him to, he wouldn’t… but eventually, he would have to face Lucia again. Avoiding her would, of course, make the situation worse but well it wasn’t like he didn’t know his avoidance habits have consequences. But he also knew he couldn’t return home with her either. Everything was all unavoidable.

And then she started to break. The tears were brimming her eyes again as she nearly shook with all the erupting emotion and he just sat there. Did he break her? No less he would tackle this as best he could and figure out as easily as he could. He listened as she rambled on about how she seduced him and that she then slept with someone else but the way she spoke didn't sound consensual. That made his brows furrow in irritation. Not that she slept with someone but more or less that she couldn’t remember it and that she wasn’t aware of the details. She hadn’t spoken of drinking or anything that would have inhibited her ability to process anything other than just blacking out and when she woke up…. She was told she slept with him.

Morally speaking the both of them did something wrong. She slept with a mated man and he cheated on his mate. That was wrong. But he would try and go at this as tactfully as he could. ”Breathe, Larkin.” he said. ”Firstly I was lying when I said I didn’t want you around. When I had come back from that night in the cave, I felt terrible and didn’t deserve you because I had defiled what we had.” He wanted her around. He needed her anchoring him but he had destroyed that by sleeping with Lucia and he had to give the chance to her. ”Never for a second think, I don’t want you because it's not true. I do. I may not always do the right things and what I do conflicts with what I say and I am sorry about that but remember I told you. I mess things up. I do things I am not proud of and that was one of them. I shouldn’t have left and I wholeheartedly stand by that.” He wasn’t sure of anything else but that. He shouldn’t have left. He shouldn’t have so easily let Lucia in but being her mate it was hard. It felt right. It felt wholesome. It felt primal. However, with Larkin, she satisfied a different need. The need for companionship, a special someone. ”You didn’t make me do anything I hadn’t already wanted to. If I hadn’t wanted to sleep with you, I wouldn’t. There is not a single person in this world that can make you do something you don’t want to and don’t let anyone in this world tell you otherwise.” he looked sternly at her.

”You have a choice. You have a right.” Despite their race, of course, saying otherwise but how else was that going to change if they didn’t start speaking up? Taking a stand? How would their races evolutionalize? ”I had a choice and I made it with you.” he shrugged a shoulder. Gripping her chin beneath his fingers to raise her head up just the slightest to level their eyes. ”You are my Larkin and I love you. I want to be with you.” He made sure to keep direct eye contact and not once flinch away when those words left his mouth. His tone didn’t change octaves it was as real as it got. ”With that being said…. I won’t make you do something you don't want to do. I couldn’t live with myself if you were unhappy because of the situation you are in. If this is not what you want if you do not want to do this. Tell me now and I will back off.” he lowered his hand back on his lap. He wouldn’t force himself on her and even with that being said he would deal with Lucia when the time came but this was something that not even the feline could make him regret doing.

He found what love actually meant for the first time. What it actually felt like…. And it was an amazing experience to finally feel it even if it would be the only and last time. ”I will be okay with it. I won’t be mad.” he’ll be hurt but he supposed time heals all just like he told her. ”I just want you happy. I want you to feel loved and cherished.” he gave her a soft but sad smile. ”And if it’s not me who can make you feel that way…. Then I can accept that.” His voice was warm to emphasize that what he said was true. He wouldn’t hold it against her. He messed a lot of things up. He didn’t blame anyone for dipping out the moment they could before he made things worse.

Blue eyes searched her tear filled ones for a moment as she said she couldn’t make that decision. Sighing quietly he just looked away. He wasn’t irritated. He just didn’t know what she wanted. When they had gotten to this point she was into it and now she seemed like she regretted everything even though she wasn’t saying it he knew she was feeling it. She was feeling guilt where it wasn’t really all on her. It took two people to do what they did because he had willingly given her what she asked for. So he did his best to tell her that if she wanted out here and now he would leave her fully alone. It would be hard, sure, but he would get over it. As for him and Lucia, whether Larkin was in or out, he didn’t know if they would even survive this or not. He didn’t know if he even wanted it to. It was funny how matebonds worked. His wolf was telling him one thing while his heart told him something else completely. It was enough that if he hadn’t already been insane he probably would be driven to that point. ”Matebonds are funny that way.” he started while looking back at her. His voice was low and void of emotion. ”By choice, no. I don’t want to be. It’s all instinctual. It’s not…. love.” he said. He wasn’t sure if she would understand what he meant but he hoped she would. ”Think of it as if someone has made the choice for you. Whether you agree with it or not that’s what they have decided but I personally as Felix Volkov.” that last name felt weird on his lips but since he was done with that side of his life he might as well make an entirely new leaf right? ”Do not. It’s you who I miss when I am with her. It’s you who I wish I was with. It’s you who I felt guilty about hurting. It’s you who I shouldn’t have left. It’s you. It’s always just been you.”

He shifted a little in his seating not because he was hurt but because he was feeling uncomfortable with this conversation. These conversations always felt weird and it seemed between the two of them he had his fair share of them. Maybe he should be alone? He scrunched his nose a bit before looking back to her as she spoke again. What she said made him frown. Pity her? Hardly. He shook his head. ”Once upon a time months ago I probably would have felt pity but that was before I got to know you. That was before I got to experience who you are as a person. Pity is not what I feel because you are a person who can and has been through your fair share of strange and hard events. If anything I admire you.” his brows rose. ”I want to build a family with you. I want to reshape who I am with you.That’s why I would choose you and am choosing you.” Listening as she spoke about Lucia being his mate and that they were ‘meant to be’. He shrugged. He didn’t know if that was necessarily true. All things fade and eventually, so would the matebond the less you paid attention to it. ”You can have me if you so choose to but that’s not my decision and if you do, we will figure it out.” but he breathed. ”and if not…. Well I don’t know where my road will take me or where I will end up.” back with Lucia? Probably not. He fucked up and broke his own rule but considering who it was with it was well worth every second of it. ”I love you regardless and I don’t think that will ever change any way you look at it.” He leaned forward and kissed her tentatively on the lips giving her a slow smile.

His heart was hammering in his chest but he kept a cool facade. Blue eyes darting back and forth between hers as she held him in suspense only barely managing to let small slips of air pass into his lungs. He wouldn’t beg her to stay with him. Not that it was above him because the reality of the matter was -- for her he would do just about anything. However, if it wasn’t something she wanted then she just didn’t want it. It was what it was and so he prepared himself for a heart smash. She was so hesitant, so transfixed on her guilt that there surely was no way this could be mended. Not once. Not now. Not---

Wait, what?

She wrapped her arms around him and buried her nose into his neck and shoulders immediately slumped under her lightweight. Fingers around themselves on first on her sides before arms slipped around her waist and pulled her firmly against him in a hug. Her words caused chills to run up his spine with her warm breath. ”The one i would want to. I want to be with you and only you.”. Those words made him feel a thousand times lighter. If he could have sprout wings and flew he probably would have, hell, he probably could have howled to the moon!

Still, worry clung to her expression and eyes squeezed a little watching in observation. He could tell something else was hindering her happiness. He licked his lips again about to part them to speak but she beat him to it. Her brother? His brows rose a bit and he cleared his throat. ”I-- yeah, sure but uh…. Won’t he… won’t he be upset in meeting the person who…” he gestured towards her stomach for a moment before looking up at her eyes again. He imagined she would have told her brother exactly what had happened and in very Larkin-like- fashion his name would have slipped passed those pretty lips of hers. He couldn’t really foresee how the meeting would really go. She fiddled with his shirt again listening to her next set of words and it was then surprise came to his expression. Marriage?

It definitely hadn’t been anything he thought about, he never really thought he was the type anyone would want to marry. Why would they? He had far more mental complications and baggage anyone was willing to deal with but the idea with Larkin sounded so…… picture perfect? It was funny really. ”You wanna be a Volkov?” his head tipped now as he watched her. She was then nervously laughing and brushing it off and he shook his head, there was absolutely no hesitation on his tongue when answering not once did he even think to question it. ”Of course. But you know that means you are pretty much stuck with me right?” he said. ”But it needs to be done right if you wanna do this…… give me a few days to work out some kinks and then I will properly make you a Volkov woman.” Or at least the start of doing so.

Maybe. If they survived a very very vicious feline laying in wait.

This brought him to the next order of business. ”Larkin…” he started again. ”You know Lucia is going to be upset about this right? And I still have to… deal… with her.” he wasn’t worried about himself, he was worried about Larkin. ”She lives here in Aelfmenn and hell will be brought down upon the both of us… But I just want you to know no matter what she says or does, I love you. I want to be with you. She’ll be mean and she will tell you things to hurt you.” Lucia was going to hunt her down and he would do his best to intervene that from happening but a cat is a cat…. And they always find ways.

And besides, there was no telling how far he would go to keep his little rabbit safe. He nearly murdered her once and all she did was speak harshly against her. All bets were off for the both of them this time. There was no longer an option of going back.