Every aspect of his personality was telling him to avoid and avoid hard but this was Larkin we are talking about and she didn’t deserve that type of disrespect. So he just kept his eyes elsewhere trying to allow himself to shut down at his core and not care. This was would have been so much easier had this been months ago. If he hadn’t drug himself in as deep as he had. He was a fucking idiot. But that was where his avoidance had come from. He didn't do well with confrontations or revisiting the past. He certainly didn't do well with confronting his feelings and would rather avoid anything and everything that wasn't his brother. A socially anxious person who hid behind a darker persona was what he was. He was avoiding Lucia and using Larkin to do so. Didn't mean he didn't miss the touchy little rabbit and her illuminating personality. She made the dark not so suffocating but luckily with his time with her, he had learned to calm the beast. To anchor himself down. That much he could thank her for even if he readily ruined her life to get here.

She spoke obviously having more to say at the end of it and he just gave a nod. He knew where that was going. The snark was there but it wasn’t like he didn’t deserve it. ”Right.” He said. He shifted again thinking about attempting to walk past and continuing on his way. Her next question caused him to arch a brow. Did he look okay? But keeping from allowing his own seething irritation to rise to the surface he simply shook his head no. ”Not really.”

At least he didn’t feel okay the healers had otherwise to say.

Time was what he needed and time wasn’t what he was going to get. If he could have just avoided running into her again just a little longer it would have been better. The numbness was just starting to take over and unfortunately seeing her prematurely was going to break his resolve. ”You don’t have to talk to me.” he randomly added. It was more habit in calling out to her anyway. ”But...” He shuffled a bit and moved from the tree, limping. He wasn’t her favorite person and he wasn’t going to drag her down any further than he already had. ”The king is dead so you should be fine to go wherever you please.” Though he knew two people important to him where around Aeflmenn so if she didn’t want to she didn’t have to worry about the king dragging her back. He and his henchmen had been destroyed. ”Well I wouldn’t suggest Cendra they would still try and snatch you but being hunted down you should be fine.” He started moving forward, eyes on the ground and focused to keep from looking at her. If he could just make it past and keep going it would be okay. He could do this. He could do this.

”Sorry for stopping you, Larkin.” He kept his head low. He was pretty well aware he was dirt compared to her.

Why was this so hard? Why couldn’t he just stare her down with an expressionless gaze? He had done this time and time again in his head. He had envisioned this very meeting so many times and every time he thought he had it down. He could go blank like he had done so many times before. Practiced it even. Yet here he was standing in front of the little rabbit and couldn’t even look at her. His chest was beginning to hurt as much as his hip was. He could see everything she did out of the corner of his eye, her fidgeting, something he knew all too well she did when she fought with herself on how to feel and what to say. But to him, he wasn’t even worth her acknowledgment. So he went through the processing of trying to dismiss himself and make it easier. All he had to do was walk away and continue to mend or at least fake till he made it. She spoke which caused him to stop all movements and lift his head to look at her. Did he really need to answer that or was it more of a rhetorical thing? But with it being Larkin there were things she just needed to be explained. ”Yeah…” he said though broke eye contact. He started to move again, the distance between them much shorter now and immediately her scent hit him.

His heart raced. It wasn’t even a predator sense of smell it was more intoxication. He felt shivers traveling along his shoulders and up the back of his neck. That was something he hadn’t felt in a while. Not quite like that. No less he was gonna try and just push through it but she slowed him again. This time completely froze. The way she spoke his name had caused those goosebumps on his skin to intensify and his brows furrowed a bit. What in the world was wrong with him? Glancing towards her now his head low and chin towards his chest, blue eyes stayed on the pale girl. Her question was what hit him hard.

It was a loaded one for sure.

She then quickly spoke as if he thought she was trying to change things but even he knew that wouldn’t happen. She was far gone from him now even if she was standing in front of him. He… hurt her.. And that to him was unforgivable. He had almost been there. He had almost gotten away and had he just kept focused he probably could have escaped this very question. Was he happy? Well, sure he likes to say he was or at least he was trying to be. He was trying to do the right thing. He was trying to do what you are supposed to do with a mate. He was trying to tell himself that what he felt with Larkin hadn’t been ‘real’. ”I didn’t think you were.” he said with a small weak smile. ”You worry too much.” he had told her that often. She was always fussing over something about him or if it wasn’t about him it was a different worry about a conversation they were having.

He wanted to nod his head yes and go with what his head was telling him to say. Break this invisible chain once and for all on him but he was having a hard time in doing so. ”I--...” his brows furrowed a bit. ”want to be.” He wasn’t sure how to answer it. Anyone who was mated shouldn’t hesitate. He was happy. He was. ”I’m trying to be.” he tried again. He rubbed the back of his neck and eyes shot down towards her boots. ”But I don’t think I deserve it even if I was.” Lucia meant a lot to him as did Larkin. Both girls for different reasons. Love and being whole. No less one was stronger in one than it was the other. ”It’s okay though. Pretty sure I am getting everything I deserve,” He gave her another small but humorless smile. ”Please don’t worry about me.” before giving another humorless dry chuckle. ”I will figure it out.”

She never judged him and he never judged her. They were both a couple of odd pairs in their own ways. She never once questioned why he did things and how his own quirks of being around other people worked. She somehow scathed passed the hostility and reached the real him. He spotted her smile and though it was very small it infected his own causing him to grow a little bigger. Though realizing he was smiling he quickly cleared it. No that wasn’t the right emotion he should be feeling. This was not okay. He did his breath to slow his breathing as it all started to well in his chest.

It only tightened even worse when she asked her question and he tried to reason with his voice and heart on what his head was telling him. The answer didn’t appease her but he didn’t really know what else to tell her. He made his bed and he was gonna lie in it. He was to be the mate, after all, he found her he had to be with her. No less it felt like he couldn’t convince himself as easily as his head was telling him it would be. She spoke and though he was not looking at her he could hear it in her voice. She was unhappy. She was hurting again. He caused her to hurt again. ”I wish you w-wouldn’t..” he said quietly closing his eyes tight and turning his head a bit. Where was his wolf now? Why couldn’t the bastard show his ugly face and get him out of here? ”I don’t want to hurt you anymore. I hurt you enough and I regret doing that. I jus-... I just-.” he wasn’t a crier. He didn’t let those emotions get ahold of him like that even the last time he ran into Lucia before the cave hadn’t gotten tears out of him. What she said though made a couple slip out and he quickly wiped them away. She was wrong. ”I was just doing what I thought I should do. You don’t get to have what you want.” that was a warped way of thinking but it was how his head worked.

”Important.” he finished her words finally glancing at her his eyes red and being irritated. His throat hurt from all the welling emotion in it, feeling swollen and hard to swallow. It was then she said she should go and without thinking or seeing if she actually was he went to move after her. ”Wait.” Only when he did step it was with the wrong foot putting weight down and instantly it giving out under his weight. He fell to his knees rather hard and gave a canine yelp cursing under his breath as he shifted his weight onto his good leg and then fell to his rump to sit on the ground. The earth was cold and he could feel the icy touch under his clothing. No less it was a good anchor for him to regain control of himself. Focusing on it for a moment. ”Don’t go yet…. please.” he said quieter this time with a strained voice. ”I don’t want you to go.”

He felt pretty miserable sitting there in the snow. The chance was given and he didn’t take it but instead made it worse for himself. He leaned a little on his good leg as she fell to her knees in front of him. She was so close. A breath away and it was steadily taking away his own. He had to relearn how to breathe around her again only this time he couldn’t just inhale her. He had to be polite and keep a distance. The contact would only make it worse and though the cold, for now, reminded him of how he should behave, it was quickly broken.

Before he knew it Larkin slammed into him forcing a growl from his chest and up his throat before blinking a couple of times realizing what was going on. Releasing his stiffening body little by little he finally wrapped his arms around her and rested his nose in her hair. She whimpered to him letting out what he had been waiting for. She finally broke and started to soak his neck with her tears. What he wanted to say was what he shouldn’t say and so he just clamped his jaws shut. ”I'm sorry….” was all he managed. He shouldn’t have made her fall for him only to end up leaving in the end and not just her --- her paused for a moment remembering the very child she carried. All of this emotion wasn’t good for her. She would eventually make herself sick. ”I will be. I just need time.” he said. He was lying partially. He wasn’t sure he was going to be okay or that he and Lucia would be okay. The two of them ran hot and it was very likely they would clash but what he couldn’t do for Larkin he was going to try and do for Lucia. It wasn’t fair but he was going to try. ”We both do..” His voice was soft as he changed it from him to her.

”You we--- you are.” he didn’t want her to doubt herself even if he was conflicting with his actions. ”I’m not going to pretend that I make sense because I know I don’t. But don’t doubt yourself so much.” No matter what he did someone got hurt but he was put with Lucia for a reason right? The goddesses did it for some reason and he had to give that a chance to figure it out. He had to give her a chance as well as himself and he hated himself for hurting Larkin the way he did. An innocent bystander. He grabbed her hand in between his hands as he pushed her back gently so she could look up at him. Her blue eyes glittered with her innocent tears that stained her pale skin. She was absolutely beautiful. ”I wish I could stop your hurting….” he said quietly wiping the tears from her cheeks though as successfully as he liked. ”I wish I could do more for you… “

She fell limp in his hold her fingers reaching up only once to grab his wrists but soon let them fall away. Her next question caused him to tip his head. She thought he didn’t mean any of the things he told her? He supposed he could see why. It was a quick severance with no true explanation other than they needed to end it. He shook his head no. ”You didn’t imagine anything.” he said quietly. ”I did and still do love you, Larkin.” He fell into a little too deep and he knew he did. He shouldn’t love her but he did. He shouldn’t care for her but he did. The real reality of the whole thing was he just wanted her to be okay. She hugged herself he gently let go of her head as his eyes fell towards her stomach she was no craddling. ”I don’t regret meeting you or having what we did.” he knew that was probably on the cusp of another question that was lingering in her head. ”I was….. Happy. Truly happy when I was with you.” he gave her a small smile. But duty calls. When he had met up with Lucia that night in the cave because he had gotten chased down there by those Guardians. It felt right. It felt like it was something he was supposed to do and give a chance. ”But it was scary because I don’t know how to be happy.” his eyes squeezed a bit. ”I usually ruin it and with you I most certainly did.” he bit his lip as he looked at her but she was avoiding eye contact.


His eyes once more fell down towards her stomach. Lucia didn’t even know about the unborn child but to be honest he didn’t want her to know. If Lucia had a problem with Larkin just existing what would she do about the babe? He wouldn’t selfishly put the child in danger by telling his mate about it. If he could avoid the entire conversation he would. Leaning slightly forward his hand hesitantly inched forward fingers extended to touch the small bump beneath her heavy long sweater. It was a little startling when his fingertips made contact with the firm small tummy. He pulled back a bit eyes glancing up at her for a moment almost looking for a sign of disapproval. ”Do you feel it… move?” he wanted to scoot closer completely curious and yet he knew he shouldn’t. She was close enough. She was causing his body to react in ways he knew it shouldn’t.

His hip was starting to remind him of the awkward way he was leaning and he winced a little and attempting to shift. He bit his lip a little bit wanting to be close again but that was probably a hint he was too close. "You know despite what you may think you taught me how to remain in control of my problem.” though like always there was still slips, still mishaps because he most certainly wasn’t perfect but he was so close now. So close to reigning in that wolf. He wasn’t sure how she did it maybe it was because he had to learn to keep his hot temper under control when it came to her slower processing. He tried to not be as trigger happy with his temper that was for sure. ”Larkin--...” he licked his lips nervously wanting to ask her a question but not sure if he should. ”Do you--.... Wish you didn’t meet me?”

Seeing her happy even if for just a moment and for a rather sad reason was enough to make him feel slightly better. She took the positive out of it even if the true meaning was a lot harder to swallow. He knew how it meant to her. To be assured that she wasn’t crazy and that what happened between them was real and deep. He felt it and she wanted to be sure he did. He didn’t think she was crazy and couldn’t really understand why others did.

He saw his fingers moving towards her before really registering what he was doing. The touch was startling with just how firm it was and how real it was settling in. There was a tiny life form in there. A tiny life that he had helped create that was a perfect mixture of him and her. He supposed she really wouldn’t have felt much or if she did it would be more like bubbles in her tummy for hunger or gas and she wouldn’t really recognize it. The belly was awfully small and since she was such a small woman, it likely wasn’t all that big, to begin with. No less his mouth was already forming the words asking her. ”hmm…” He said as he eyed his hand on her belly where she kept his hand now firmly in place. Her fingers taking up space between his own. Such little things like this got his heart beating again in his ears and it caused a light to almost flicker back in those darkened blue eyes. ”I imagine when it gets bigger you will. I remember when --- Eriu was pregnant with Lux you could see her move.” it was wild really. How their bodies could create something out of two tiny cells and create organs that supported someone else.

But his hip, of course, had to ruin the moment and much to his surprised Larkin followed. A soft smile was on his lips even at her question and he nodded. He had learned a lot of patience dealing with her and it easily made up for his hot temper. He still had to learn to use it on Lucia though. She held his hands in hers and as she kissed the palm of his hand, a relieved sigh escaped his lips. He tipped his head and watched her fondly. He was glad he didn’t completely ruin everything for her that she would regret him even though he could never regret her. But if she had he wouldn’t blame her. ”Time.” he confirmed nodding his head slowly. ”Time doesn’t heal but it lessens the memories and with lessened memories, that’s when you can start healing.” he was always told that sometimes it wasn’t even the person you actually missed, it was the memories they helped create. Maybe that was true in her case. Maybe she didn’t necessarily miss him…. Maybe she missed the first experiences she had gotten from him? Maybe it was the sentimental part of it?

The silence that fell between them wasn’t uncomfortable like it should have been. The two of them sitting in the middle of the forest looking at one another until Larkin finally moved. She turned to where her back was against his chest and settled down in between his legs. It would have been better had he something to lean against but he had moved away from his tree and so he began to lean a little on her. She grabbed his arms and pulled them around her and he willingly added in their embrace. Tightening gently around her as he rests his chin on the top of her head. She was warming him. The cold barely even felt despite sitting on the ground. A flood of flutters hit him causing his stomach to tighten and for the time being forget the throbbing he had in his hip. Holding her even if for the last time felt undeniably perfect. ”Of course….” He nuzzled her breathing in her scent quietly that ignited so many things. A sort of addiction only she could fulfill. He sighed quietly against the pale locks of her, blue eyes hidden. Old desires were starting to rise as his mind began to wonder if he could just feel that soft alabaster skin… taste those sweet tantalizing lips one last time. The reality was telling him that doing so would be detrimental to the both of them. Mates don’t crave someone else. He needed to fight against his urges and he knew if he didn’t it wouldn’t make their situation any easier. Giving in never was a good combo. Trying to distract himself from the warming feeling in his body he asked quietly against her ear. ”You thought of any names?”