”that’s right, boy. Run from her before she can run from you.” the taunting wolf whispered in his ear. He could feel the brush of claws along his bones, the subtle growls roaring in his chest, and of course the mere push against his frame to let the black beast run. All because of that news the wolf had been breathed back to life. It wasn;t just because she was pregnant but because the mere idea brought anxiety back. The wolf lived off of his anxiety. Once the dreaded anxiety made its home in his chest again it was the dinner bell for the wolf to start his trouble. Anxiety was chaos, anxiety let the wolf come out and take over.

Boy did he welcome it.

”But you can’t keep me from that babe. Not like Renata. I won’t be stopped this time.” the snarl was in his ear as the wolf forced a menacing smile on Felix’s face. He could feel the tug of his lips upwards and the darkening of his features without his consent, without his doing. Giving his head a harsh shake, he brought his hand up to his face and rubbed at the skin and dug at his eyes. ”Stop it.” he muttered. He continued to walk in misdirection having nowhere he was really going. He didn’t have someone to answer to, he didn’t have work to do, he was in actuality running from himself.

That was a hard thing to do. To run from yourself but he wanted to---no he needed to try. Shoving his hands down in his pockets he kept walking all the while he started to get a whiff of a familiar smell. ”She’s here.” he heard an echo in his head. ”So beautiful…” who knew he was talking about the way she looked he was talking about the smell of her fear. The intoxication and drunk feeling her fear made him feel.There was something so sweet about it being his mate and it made the fear feel all that more addicting…..

But she was dead.

”I know you’re there.” The voice made him freeze. ”You might as well just come out.” The tone was the one he recognized almost instantly. The ire of the feline the one who equally fought him and loved him. His mouth went dry and a shake came to his hands. There was no way she survived that. She was covered in blood, she was barely breathing and had he known the guardians well enough they wouldn't have put in the time for a mess like that. She was as good as dead when he left her… when he….. --

Brows furrowed but he did as she said and stepped out, revealing himself. His eyes were bloodshot from the lack of sleep. It was about this time he wished he had a smoke or even a drink. ”Well looky who I came across.” he said but his voice was betraying him. It wasn’t arrogant or self-centered as he normally would be towards her. ”Lucia.” his voice weakened more. ”I’m ---....” A sheen started to come to his red eyes but he sniffed it back, corrected his stance, and attempted to harden his features again. ”glad you are here.” more emotion wanted to come out but he refused to let it.

No matter how relieving it was to see her actually alive.

She looked different and he wasn’t sure if this was just really playing a cruel joke on him or if perhaps he was dreaming…. Was she really there right? She had the look of determination but it wasn’t anything he didn’t normally see. Lucia had a way to make everything look like a challenge. However, the only thing that was off was he didn’t return the acceptance to the challenge. His gaze remained utterly blank though emotions flooded behind his ocean blue eyes. Her words caused him to give a humorless smile. She obviously didn’t remember a thing and thought that could work in his favor, he knew somehow it would come back. The wolf would tell her or perhaps the memory would return on its own. ”Too bad.” he heard himself say which caused a look of confusion to come to his face.

The wolf was slipping through.

”Maddox? And no. I’m not….” He said. ”If he bought you then you are no longer the boss’s.” that seemed weird as he didn’t remember it going down that way. He remembered clearly bashing her head into the bars of the jail cell. ”So I guess that means you are free. hm.” he wanted to step closer but refrained from doing so. Getting closer felt like it was a death trap as if his life might depend on it. He looked away from her now just as she spoke the next question. what happened to me anyway? I can’t remember it…

The question made his gut clench and his heart drop. ”Your head was bashed into the bars.” he once again felt his mouth moving for him and tightly clamped his jaws shut. What was going on with him? Why was he just talking and randomly saying things? ”I mean you know, that could be why you were almost dead. Wrong place at the wrong time I guess. I wasn’t… there.” He felt maniacal laughter echoing in his head but it wasn’t entirely all that wrong. He wasn’t there when the guardians dumped her --- or when this Maddox came into the picture. Withholding information wasn’t lying. ”You like this… Maddox?”

Things were steadily spiraling out of control. Her tone though was stating her suspicions were growing and even more so when the wolf forced his voice out from between his lips. Blue eyes stayed on her steadily as she narrowed her own at him. However his own features hadn’t changed, they remained void of emotion. She then asked if he did it and his head lowered though eyes remained on her. ”It was a mistake… I hadn’t meant to.” said quietly though how you could not intentionally kill someone was a little bonkers of an idea. However, it wasn’t that far-fetched since they were talking about Felix here. Felix had the two personalities after all even though both of them were coinciding with one another when it had happened. She spoke poorly of Larkin and he saw red. However, he could feel the control slipping again as his voice rang out once more without his permission. ”....Leave you alive.”

His lips tugged upwards even more as she started to step forward but he remained standing still. Growling quietly he ran a hand down his face and furrowed his brows. ”That’s not what I meant.” he said and then once more he felt a sudden push against his body making him take a step forward, his features darkening and lips moving on a will of their own. ”I meant next time I won’t make the same mistake twice.” A canine growl bubbled in his throat. The wolf wouldn’t let him talk to Lucia, he was changing his words. Instead of attempting to fix it he was making it worse. She wouldn’t see it, she never did. However, maybe this was for the good maybe the wolf could just push her away so he could have neither Larkin nor her. Didn’t deserve either one of them not when he had such darkness lurking beneath the depths. Not when his darkness could consume him in a matter of seconds and he couldn’t tell them to go before it was too late.

”I have missed my cat.” The wolf purred in a satisfactory growl. ”But you looked so much better dressed in red and your body was far more useful to me limp.” his tongue stuck out on the side of his mouth for a moment as he stared at her in thought. A sick demented grin was plastered on his face as a soft laugh echoed quietly full of menacing humor. ”Why don’t you give me a kiss like old times sake? Hm? I can show you --- Stop.” He tore away from looking at her and stood with his back facing her. He had enough of this back and forth with Lucia, the slipping out when she was near…. His threatening Larkin. He brought his fingers up to his head feeling a dizziness settling in. He swayed a little as he held his head, eyes closed as he kept a steady breathing through his nose. Finally, after a few moments, he straightened his posture and stared forward into the rest of the woods. ”I told you, I would hurt you. I told you this would happen….” His voice was a little colder this time but obviously stating it to be more Felix and not the wolf.

”I won’t be making this issue better, Lucia. You know it as well as I do but before he can slip out…. Maybe you should go before the unthinkable happens and I succeed this time.” he kept his back to her. ” I really don’t want to hurt you like I already have because it’s only a matter of time now. Besides I don’t know how to keep control so it’s probably better I stay away from everyone anyway.” a small humorless laugh escaped. ”I will just become those old stories to keep people out of the woods..” he rolled his eyes but he didn’t wanna look at her as that was fuel for the wolf to start saying what he wanted. ”Think of it as the last good thing I can do for you.” He knew she would still be pissed off but who wouldn’t be? It was okay though. He can handle that. Let her remain pissed off because if she did that meant she would stay away. ”You are free now. Live your life like you want to. Go find your happiness cause it sure as hell ain't with me.” the last bit was said with a small quiet and saddened tone but it was the truth after all. Better to break her heart than her body. He supposed he only did her one favor and that was bringing her to the brink of death and with that little bit of help…. The boss wouldn’t be looking for her. ”The boss believes you are dead so you are completely off his radar. Go enjoy it.” He took a few steps forward ahead of him with his back still to her.

He was gonna walk away from her at that point. If she didn’t remove herself then he was going to and that was going to be his ending peace. He couldn’t control something that was way stronger than he was. He thought there for awhile when Lucia’s death had hit him hard that it was done. That the wolf was finally under wraps but it goes to prove he was wrong. Stress overcame in when he found out about Larkin’s pregnancy and he ran like a pup with its tail between his legs. Right as he started to reach a tree right in front of him her voice struck out in the silence between them. She stilled him.

Why did she have to stop him? Why couldn’t she just let him go like he was trying to do for her?

He could hear her shuffling behind him but thankfully it was putting distance between them and not closing it. Her next set of words caused a small smile to come to his face but it wasn’t one of the wolf’s, it was his own. Glancing just barely over his shoulder towards her he said. ”Good.” That meant she obviously didn’t know of the bond or at least didn’t remember it because it was hurting him like hell. He didn’t want her to feel that. Not like he was right now. His heart ached both for her and both for the want of the wolf. Despite the wolf being a cruel creature, he still had mate feelings. It was apart of him. It was what made him a wolf after all. They are mated for life despite his affections being violent and aggressive. Her next set of words made his jaws tighten. He didn’t want to tell her that there was something there. He didn’t want her to remember it. ”… I’m not sure. A little bit of both… a little bit more of him? Honestly whats the difference anymore. Whether it was him or me or both of us you might as well consider it is entirely me. It’s okay though. I don’t mind.” He finally looked at her but his body barely turned. ”If it keeps you away from me then that's great.”

It was a half heart smirk. ”You make him …. anxious. “ her mere presence made him seem to fight harder to get out than with anyone else he had been with. Even Larkin. But that could be back to the whole mate thing. ”I don’t know what else I can do is the problem. If I look at you, if I am near you, you are in danger and I am trying desperately here to not --- cause a repeat because I lo--...” he shut his mouth then and just turned his head. ”I don’t work for him anymore. I ran. He wants me dead anyway. I’ll be alright Lucia. Okay?” He glanced over at her for a moment feeling a sudden stirring around and quickly turned his head away again.

How easy it was for her to think that way when she didn’t battle with almost a completely different half of herself. How easy it was to point fingers at him when she could never understand. His teeth were clenched as he listened to her and how badly he wanted to turn around and give her an ear full but he couldn’t. If he looked at her beautiful face it was game over. He would crack and the wolf would take advantage of it and get out. He would kill her this time as he stated he would. This wasn’t a game anymore this was too risky. Damn it he should have walked.

Turn around, Felix. Go ahead. Do it. the words were taunting as he could feel her draw closer. His body was immediately wanting to draw backward to her. She spoke of him giving up and pitying himself and how he was nothing like the wolf that lurked within him. ”But I am. I am him and he is me! How much more alike do I have to get for you to understand that?” His words were sharp cutting just at the time she grabbed his shoulder and forced him around to face her. Blue eyes locked onto her as he could see the rush of memories running to her. He gripped her by her elbow to be sure she didn’t stumble and once she seemed to be perfectly stable he let go. She let go of him then as she started stammering until finally being able to pull a full sentence together. ”You just couldn’t leave well enough alone.” he said his voice dipping low before sighing. ”We were… or are… I don’t even know what it is now. My wolf wants you dead because of it, yeah. You scare him.”

Liar. A harsh snarl erupted from his throat suddenly and he tore his gaze from her to keep him from breaking loose. He breathed through his nose as he focused elsewhere feeling the rustling of his wolf. The tantrum and ripping he was throwing because Lucia didn’t know to know what type of actual power she held over him. She made him feel loved and he hated her for it. That was why she needed to be destroyed…. Just like that babe in Larkin’s belly.

Love. It was such a weak thing for man to feel.

It felt good to feel like she was fighting for him and he wished he could do the same. He just didn’t know how.”how do you fight against something you can’t see?” he asked her. ”Because I have tried and I have failed numerous times.” his brows furrowed for a moment. ”I failed Eriu, I failed Wren…… You.”

Afraid of him? He guesses that made sense and it caused his stomach to twist into itself. He didn’t want her afraid of him but at the same time that was his goal. He needed to save her. He needed her to go be happy with someone and not have to watch over her shoulder constantly in fear of him coming for her because he would. There was never a time that he thought she could be safe and truthfully the only way he could assure that was away from it. Still, it didn’t leave a very good taste in his mouth.

Emotion wanted to show on his face and he was fighting it hard. He didn’t want her to see how truly sorry he was, he didn’t want her to see her being his weakness. However, as she spoke once more he actually winced and allowed his eyes to close for a moment. ”I am sorry but how does saying sorry make up for attempting to steal your life? How does saying sorry even justify what I did let alone make anything better?” he asked her. He looked up in time to see her back. ”Despite how I feel about it and whether I can say sorry till I am blue in the face it doesn’t change the fact it was done. It doesn’t change the fact that it will happen again.” He took a step forwards wanting to reach out to her and hold her. He wanted to make her understand but much to his displeasure he couldn’t. He didn’t want it to end this way; he didn’t want it to end at all but what more could he do? ”it might not seem like it but you mean a lot to me, Lucia. I know you likely hate me and that’s alright, I can’t really say I blame you. But I want you to have happiness at least that much I can give you by just letting go.” his brows furrowed for a moment. ”As I said I will be alright. I will figure it out and who knows maybe I can figure out how to get rid of the son of a bitch and be normal.” he snorted at himself but he was trying to not be so hard on himself. Having such a mental issue was no laughing matter not even for him but it kind of made a shitty situation not feel so shitty for the time being.