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Post by Solara Ell Polst on Oct 7, 2017 1:07:37 GMT
The chaos at the ball had been unexpected. She still had so many questions she was eager to find the answers to, sadly she had few connections with the human kingdom. Her hand had been healed at the kings biding by one of his healers, something that she had been thankful for even if she begrudgingly accepted his help. It had been over a week since the catastrophe and Solara had returned to her work on her ranch. Her return ‘home’ to the castle took longer than expected and the first rays of sunlight were licking at the horizon when she reined her stallion in and slipped from his saddle.
A young groom was there immediately to take the stallion and after giving him a smile along with a tired ‘thanks’ she headed toward Connor’s quarters. Had the castle always been this damn big? It was probably just her legs protesting after all the running about. Even so she longed for a warm bath. Something that would have to wait. Once she was inside she stopped at the table in the front area and there she removed her valuables from her person. The coin she had carried with her, the dagger that while she wasn’t proficient with it by any means was now nearly always on her person, the small silver ring that she kept on her thumb and was now in need of a scrubbing just to get the ash and grit out of the crevices.
She didn’t hear anyone and a peek into the bedroom verified that Connor wasn’t here…again. She was well aware that he traveled often but his staying away felt almost…deliberate. Was she such a horrible house mate? If he would just speak with her she would get a room at an inn, but she actually had to see him to speak. And since the ball she might have seen him one time in passing. A brief moment not really cohesive with a long conversation. She undid the clip that held her curls up off her shoulders and they fell around her face in soft unruly obsidian waves. She had a few ashy smudges on her face but the majority of the dirt and grim was on her clothing. After slipping out of her shirt and pants she groaned. She had forgotten to wash her gown…and she hardly trusted the servants here to do so without getting her clothing mixed up with someone elses. ”Dammit..”
After a moment of hesitation she grabbed one of Connor’s dark shirts and slipped it on, fully intending on having it washed and folded back in his dresser before he returned. Whenever that might be. She didn’t even care enough to eat even though she had been lugging at burned wood and picking through rubble all day. She just wanted to sink into bed and let her muscles relax. Even if it were an empty one. At first the days without him around felt awkward, these were his quarters after all. Not hers. But slowly that feeling had gone away and now she just felt the lingering discomfort about being in the castle at all. She left her boots against one of the walls and rolled her dirty clothing into a ball to be taken out in the morning.
And then she could finally relax. She flopped down on the large bed and curled onto her side. Briefly considering reaching down to pull the cover over herself but deciding against it. Because…movement. There was the sound of someone at the door, a key being pushed into a lock. Fuck. Really? Was he really coming home this very morning when she was wearing his shirt? Red colored her cheeks and she scrambled to grab the blanket and pull it up over herself and hopefully hide what she was wearing. Not wanting to look like some homesick ninny that just had to wear her lover’s clothing. A- she wasn’t pathetic. B- he wasn’t her lover. Just a friend….with benefits.
She rubbed at the sooty smudges on her cheek with the back of her hand and sat up on her elbows a bit to see him when he came inside. She spoke before her eyes even fell upon him. ”Long night?” It wasn’t a secret that she was working on her ranch, alone. She had no reason to hide it from him. But she had been avoiding telling him about it. Mostly because of his mention of other men coming back to finish the job. He had enough on his plate without needing to babysit her. She stretched, her back arching and causing her slender frame to curl upward beneath the blanket before she settled back against the bed with a soft groan.
She hadn’t been this sore in ages.
Connor Lachesis
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Commander of the Immortal Army
Bisexual, Prefers Women.
Single.
Immortal
Authored by Rhys.
Offline.
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Post by Connor Lachesis on Oct 7, 2017 4:00:14 GMT
The ball – so much fallout had ensued, both politically between the Immortal and mortal king, and with dealing with the Werebeasts. Fortunately, Alvina had disappeared, so that’d taken one less thing off of his plate. Killian the same. However, many others had taken the place of such issue. Security measures were high at court, both for making sure such a similar thing didn’t happen, and with strategizing for dealing with the aftermath of it all. Justus, Elysia, they were all on edge. Too, there were stirrings of other dramatics. A babe, notably, from the King’s mistress. Things he’d keep to himself, until the time became prime.
Then, of course, there was his personal life. Despite the circumstance, Connor did want to take some time for himself. That was, he was still gripped in trying to help Solara retrieve her stock. That mystery had been one he’d been dealing with quietly, certainly without her knowledge. As it turned out, tracking down even branded animals was proving more difficult than anticipated. Then again, the perpetrators had the farthest reaches of the realm to stow them away in. He didn’t want to admit openly his lack of success on the matter to her. He wanted some miniscule amount of progress. But, as it were, not even a hair had turned up. That was why, planned for the following week, he intended to slip off to the Mountains, to Alvina’s territory. If a contingent of predatory Weres couldn’t turn up anything in the farthest reaches of the Oedir, the likelihood of finding anything at all seemed slim.
And then, there was the matter of Solara’s consistent presence at his home. Connor was far from a sedentary man. He’d spent little time in his quarters since he’d been given them, much preferring to stay busy, to travel, to see and do things. Somehow, impossibly, he’d spent less time since the fire at her ranch. Even prior to the ball, he’d grown anxious with Solara being in such proximity. With her presence being inescapable. It was absolutely nothing against her, but rather a concern of his own. To have called her a friend… Such a statement carrying a weight. Even more than any chiding voices surging up as a tide in his thoughts, he found himself feeling… guilty, putting her at such consistent risk. It was difficult for him to keep his hands away, and she seemed less than inclined to dismiss any advances. She’d caught the trace of a sniffle perhaps two weeks prior to the ball, and that had been warning enough for to him to stay away. Something about the thought of her curled body, choking on black bile… It turned his stomach. It wasn’t a fear, but a sense of frustration and disgust with himself. And so, in a way that he knew she was aware of but he would plainly brush off, he’d taken excess care to avoid his quarters. That had meant sleeping as he could in guards quarters, taking excess duty when she was to be around, and purposefully constructing his schedule to put him in his quarters when she was absent, running her own errands, rebuilding what she’d lost.
It wasn’t as if he didn’t know, even if there’d been some reservation in their fleeting interactions. It was far from a secret. That, too, was perhaps the first source of true guilt he’d felt in well over a millennia, in perhaps his entire lifetime. He felt bad for it all, truthfully. But it wasn’t as if he felt he had a choice in the matter.
After all such thoughts jumbling and driving him for the past week, he was finally tired enough that his resolve was waning. Based on the words of several of his men, the last information he’d heard was that she was still absent. And so, Connor found himself taking a chance. Having not shaven in the time since he’d gotten back, and feeling sorely in need of bathing after a lengthy day, he returned to his quarters. The keys felt foreign, awkward in his fingers, prompting him to take extra time unlocking the door. When he was finally in, he dropped his pack haphazardly on the table, beginning to slip his shirt free as he made his way to the bedroom…
That was where he found her. In retrospect, he should’ve noticed her discarded clothing before then, or her boots propped neatly in their place. Pausing in the doorway, he hesitated for a brief moment before he pulled the fabric over his head anyway. “Every night has been long since that ball. Today was no exception.” He cast her a small smile, tossing his shirt into the pile accumulating on his side of the dresser. He hadn’t been home enough to warrant washing it. Scratching his chin, and the beard which might’ve closely resembled that of a mountain hermit, he made his way over to the wash basin, regarding her from the mirror. His gloves were tugged free a moment later, placed neatly beside the basin as he did so. “How was your day? You look tired.” The man's eyes lingered, not missing how she'd seemingly buried herself in a heap of blanket. "Cold?"
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Post by Solara Ell Polst on Oct 7, 2017 5:51:39 GMT
There was something so normal about the little interactions like this. A domestic atmosphere that she had never and probably would never have. It was both nice and unsettling at the same time. But Solara was a rather observant woman. She noticed the way his movements had paused when she spoke. Not in a way to consider her words but more in surprise that she was even here. Ah...so that was his game then. He only came to his home when she was gone, or at least for the most part. She wasn't sure in that moment if she was more hurt or angry. But she certainly knew which one was winning.
She didn’t return his smile but the look on her face wasn’t a cold one. Just tired, distracted, and now very thoughtful. She had been hesitant to accept his offer at first anyway, but this little revelation was like a kick in the teeth. He looked scruffy and tired himself. Her dark eyes latched onto his when he looked up at her in the mirror. The answers to his questions rising automatically on her lips. ”It was good, and yeah. A little.” Automatic pointless words that had no place when her head was spinning. Normally things were so…easy with Connor. Fluid. Fun. Exciting. But feeling like an unwelcome house guest could certainly damper her spirits.
The blood rushed to her cheeks again when he mentioned her being cold. He was going to notice his damn shirt yet. ”The castles chilly.” That was truthful enough, this place was full of drafts. Certainly not homey. She sat up in the bed with the blanket still up against her chin. She couldn’t do this. She had never been great at faking things, it always left a bad taste in her mouth. It was why she avoided the life her mother had wanted her to live. She didn’t want one of her closest friends to be someone she had to fake things with.
She would rather eat the price of a room at an inn than feel unwanted. She wasn’t some puppy or helpless child needing a home. If he had told her he didn’t want her here she would have left ages ago. ”So…you were surprised to see me here.” She said suddenly, her tone completely casual as if they were discussing the weather and not something that cut a little deeper than she liked to admit. She was angry with him for being so…weak. And at herself for being weak enough to feel the sting. ”I’m going to move my things to an inn in the morning.”
Her gaze fell away from him and cut to the side. The flush in her cheeks no longer from the embarrassment of wearing his shirt but because of the depth of the conversation. Emotions in general weren’t her strong suit. ”If you had just told me you didn’t want me here Connor….I would have gone. I think that would have gone a lot better than this.” The end of her words held a little bite to them and Solara pushed herself from the bed, flinging the blanket back onto it and heading over to where her dirty clothing lay. She hadn’t really had the chance to purchase additional clothing yet so it was the same few outfits that she wore day in an out. And she happened to be out of everything. It was hard to pretend that she wasn’t wearing his shirt, and only his shirt. But the entire situation was uncomfortable.
She shook her dirty pants from the clothed and leaned against the wall while she shimmied them on. Purposefully not looking at the commader she spoke. ”I think I’ll find another bed tonight. I wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable in your own bed.” A sidelong look at his grown out beard. ”You look like you need the beauty rest.” It was a bard just to make herself feel better but it hardly worked. She stepped past him and began to gather her things from the table. Her movements jerky and quick from anger, sloppy from exhaustion.
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Commander of the Immortal Army
Bisexual, Prefers Women.
Single.
Immortal
Authored by Rhys.
Offline.
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Post by Connor Lachesis on Oct 7, 2017 6:27:38 GMT
“I suppose it is.” His eyes lingered on her, not missing the stray smudges or the way her hair lay in a tangled fluff around her face. Even if she seemed exhausted, her face was one he could appreciate. Perhaps a little sharp featured for the taste of some, but nonetheless beautiful. “I just got back from training. I don’t think I noticed.”
He knew that something was off with each increment of exchange, the warmth having leeched from her tone in the span of only a few seconds. It was if the tide had changed on a battle field. The Commander had gotten as far as splashing his face with water when her mood seemed to unravel further. “Solara, it isn’t like that.” The words didn’t seem to phase her. Hearing her, seeing her rising to escape the bed – and wearing his shirt – he hesitated. Certainly he’d been trying to avoid her. But that was for her benefit. He hadn’t anticipated that she might’ve… come to feel so viscerally, in the way she did. Rather than reaching for lather, he snatched a towel to quickly dry himself, turning and striding after her.
“I invited you here because I wanted to help you. You know I would’ve said something to you had that changed. I looked surprised, because I’d heard you were out at the ranch.” His brows furrowed, mind quickly turning over his best course of action. Begging her to stay was far from becoming, and not in his character. He wouldn’t do it. But making it clear to her... Something twisted inside him, just a little. She was his friend, the closest to it anyway. Something about this entire interaction, knowing he’d made her feel such a way, caused an unpleasant feeling to well up inside. More guilt. Which was frustrating, foreign as an emotion. He tried to manage that torrent as it cropped up as best he could.
But, then, seeing her intent, watching her collecting her dirtied clothes, again he hesitated. One hand gripped the edge of the basin, a little tightly. Guilt, and such an interaction; he’d never been confronted in such a way before. It was a struggle for the man, ever the composed leader, to find a diplomatic way to go about his next words. Exhaustion did not help his thoughts either. At all once, tired himself, he gave up at it. “Solara, it really isn’t like that. I’ve been scouting, sending men to try to find...” She swept out of the room, the sound of her reaching the table a moment later echoing in his ears, before he could even finish.
The Commander’s lips pressed together. Irritation surged up. That feeling of guilt seemed to lilt abruptly, peaking. It was almost nauseating. And yet, it caused him to jump into action. His footsteps were light but quick as he moved to close the space between them. He reached her as she was struggling in her anger to collect her things. Without hesitation, his hand clamped down on the wad of her shirt that she held in her hand, tight at first, then loosening slightly. He did not pull it away, nor did his grip fall. He knew she would follow it, pivot toward him more, as he maintained the grip if only to smack him. “Solara.” His voice was a level, commanding, but softer. It was the lower tone, as though, as in their past, he were about to utter a secret. “I don’t want you to feel this way.” His opposite hand stretched, resting on her shoulder as if to gently still her in place, before he abruptly bowed his face, pressing his mouth lightly, softly over hers (less the prickle of his beard). Pulling away, he met her eyes with his own. “I want you to stay here. I’m sorry for making you feel badly.” Something about those words incrementally alleviated the foreign, twisting feeling, even if an apology was something that felt like a relic leaving his lips. And yet, he entirely expected to receive a slap.
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Post by Solara Ell Polst on Oct 7, 2017 7:07:57 GMT
Help. He had wanted to help. Those words stung her already battered pride. "I never asked for your help, Connor." Her voice was cool and level even as her pride burned for her to lash out at him. She ignored the majority of his words. Knowing they would be pointless. She wasn't only angry at him but herself and one of her most prominent faults was her pride. Feeling as if she were seen as a charity case by someone she actually gave a shit about made her want to run. It was rare that Solara ran away from her problems, but in this case it felt like the best option.
And then he was following her. She could feel him drawing closer and then tugging at the clothing she held balled up under her arm with enough force to alter her balance just a bit. She spun toward him, angry accusing. She felt like a damn fool. This was why she had been so hesitant to accept his offer. She didn't need anyone. Not Connor. No one. He reached out to hold her shoulder and she dipped it away from his touch. But so focused was she on that movement that she didn't notice him leaning in until his lips touched hers. Soft, hesitant. Everything she wasn't in that moment. She wasn't just some little weak human girl whose issues could be solved with a kiss from the handsome commander. And when he drew back to look at her, spewing more soft words she was certain would have melted many a woman's heart she shoved him. Dropping her assortment of items so that both of her arms were free. Her hands pushing into his shoulders in an attempt to knock him back.
"Then don't make me feel like a charity case, Connor. “ It was strange the way emotions could easily jump from one high to the next. Having him so close, that kiss that he tried to stamp on as some sort of an apology. It wasn’t even as if he had done something horrible to her. Rather he had been putting himself out for her, she felt like he pitied her. And that was a million times worse than if he had just been cold or cruel.
”I don’t need your help, and this is exactly why I was afraid to come here. Because I knew it would go this way.” Her hands balled into fists. The prideful noble surfacing with all the subtlety of a bull in a china shop. There was hurt beneath it all. Because she had trusted him. She should have learned her lesson the first time she had let herself get so close to a man. Even as a friend she was closer to him than she really should be. And last time it had ended with her sleeping away a century of her life.
”This is what you want isn’t it? Your home back? So lets just stop this…whatever this is.” She wasn’t one to cry, but her face twisted with pain and she turned away from him. Kneeling to gather the things she had dropped on the floor. Her fingers shaking as she slid her ring back onto her thumb and gathered coin to put it back into the small pouch that had burst open.
”And if you think you can solve every argument with a kiss then all these women you have been with must have the back bone of a jellyfish.” Her words weren’t bristling with anger as before, but they were still cold. Unfriendly. And aching with hurt.
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Commander of the Immortal Army
Bisexual, Prefers Women.
Single.
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Authored by Rhys.
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Post by Connor Lachesis on Oct 7, 2017 7:41:50 GMT
I never asked for your help, Connor. His face darkened slightly, eyes lingering on her. What the hell else was he supposed to have done then? Leave her die while he took care of the noble and went about his day? Left her in the ruins of her ranch, to bankrupt herself with inn charges? To have such a thing thrown back in his face when it was perhaps one of the few good things he’d tried to do in his lifetime caused irritation to flare in a way he could only narrowly stifle. He didn’t dignify her response with words.
And then there was the damned kiss. She’d jerked her shoulder away from his touch, and yet he’d still managed to brush his mouth against hers. Rather than the sting of slap that he’d braced for, she’d thrown her things down, attempting to give him a shove. His brows rose. Even had she not been emotional, her stature was still such a contrast to his own that the push had little effect. He scarcely rocked, his gaze lingering on her with mixed irritation and surprise. Had he not been versed with being yelled at, something his time in the military had engrained into him, his voice might’ve risen. “You’re not a damned charity case! Where is that even coming from? I helped you because I felt like it, not because of any other reason.”
I knew it would go this way. Her hands tightened into fists. Her expression… God. And her tone... The twisting feeling in his gut was like a knife. It was giving rise to a flurry of other thoughts, things he didn’t want to consider. Things that were intrusive. Things which tested his composure. His lips pressed together tightly. “Stop this? This isn’t about whoever is staying in my fucking house, Solara.” That. That caused the feeling to twist. Any conceivable peak he’d have considered was magnified. “You aren’t listening. Don’t you understand-” It was through a sheer force of will that he clamped his mouth shut. He wanted to raise his voice, wanted to snap. Don’t you understand that I could kill you?! I don’t want to do that to you! His breath wavered, and he took a step back.
It was her final words, the coolness to them – accompanied by her shaking hands - that let him edge off slightly. Stepping back to make a little more space, Connor ran his hands over his face before roughly pulling them through his hair. Inhaling, exhaling, he took a few seconds before he lowered himself down beside her as she gathered her things. In a flourish, he caught up several of the articles. Again, his grip didn’t release. His expression was shadowed, almost unreadable.
“I haven’t been with a woman… Like this.” The admission came begrudgingly, as if he were having to swallow his pride for such an utterance. That was the second time in one night. Any trace of his usual air seemed tempered with it, his eyes lingering away before they rose to met hers. “I’m not good at this. I’m trying to apologize. I’m trying to make you understand…” It was as if he were speaking of two things at once. For the first time, something akin to tightness leapt into his voice. It were as if a tooth were about to be pulled. Pulling the bundle of her clothing closer, he held it in one hand, stared at it with brows that drew together. His heartrate jumped, feeling stress as if he were in a duel. “Solara...”
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Post by Solara Ell Polst on Oct 7, 2017 8:02:00 GMT
"Then make me understand." She said simply. She didn't understand why he would avoid her so if it wasn't because he didn't want her here. Her dark eyes turned to him as he knelt to help her gather her things. Or so she assumed until he didn't hand them over but cradled them like a shield against whatever she might throw his way next. “I haven’t been with a woman… Like this.” Solara shook her head then, a small shake and a cruel smile on her lips. "Neither have I." Not a woman but surely he would understand the sentiment. The admission appeared almost hard for him to make but for a man fabled to have fallen in and out of enough beds to fill half the castle she hardly assumed he had been in many relationships. Wait, no..thats not even what this was. What they were. Somehow this conversation had taken an odd turn.
She cradled her bag of coin and dagger in her hands. Staring down at them as he spoke. Her anger that had been so quick to rise up was already dissipating. “I’m not good at this. I’m trying to apologize. I’m trying to make you understand…” Solara sighed and tucked an obsidian curl behind her ear. Her thin lips pulled tight as she tried not to make a smart remark, something that would only make things worse. When two strong personalities met a clash was inevitable. She just never expected theirs. It had all been so smooth up to that moment. "I don't want or need an apology, Commander. I want to understand why you would say you don't want me gone but then avoid me like the plague."
The way he said her name, the tightening of his posture, it was enough to draw Solara's thoughts away from her own pain and hurt to look up at him. What could be so horrible? Why was he acting like this? It wasn't like him to seem so....nervous. "....just tell me Connor." Her voice wasn't truly soft but it was lacking the bitterness of before. Had she been someone softer, someone who reveled in the companionship of others. Needed it. She might have reached out to touch his bearded cheek. To reassure him that everything would be alright. But she wasn't that woman and Connor wasn't a weak man. She twisted the sheathed dagger around in her fingers.
"...you know I'm here for you, even if its an issue with me." Her voice still wasn't soft even as she soothed but it wasn't cruel either. If anything it was still revealing her hurt that she fought so very hard to keep hidden.
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Commander of the Immortal Army
Bisexual, Prefers Women.
Single.
Immortal
Authored by Rhys.
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Post by Connor Lachesis on Oct 7, 2017 8:22:04 GMT
Silence. He felt as though he were on a ship that were sinking, his body fighting a panic at what looked ahead. He did not panic. Ever. And yet now, staring at her, he found himself wary, concerned, fearful even at the implication of exactly what an explanation would to whatever fragile thing had developed between them. No smile crossed his lips to match her own cruel one. Was this what it meant, having a ‘friend’? Having whatever she was to him in that moment? He hadn’t the experience to know. Connor had dedicated so much time to controlling information, to keeping secrets, to keeping those who he might’ve dreamed to care about, or who were otherwise important, away.
Something flashed in his eyes at the mention of plague. He didn’t wince, but it were as if a flash of lightning momentarily blinded him, as if he were looking at something else for that moment. Connor’s entire body remained still, through his muscles felt taunt as any steel. And there she was once more, telling him to say it again.
His grip flexed so tightly on the fabric bundled in his hands that his knuckles turned white. Very slowly, he shifted to sit, legs propped up, hands together and still clutching the fabric bundle in front of him as if it were the last rope keeping him suspended above a precipice. The man forced himself to look at her. “It isn’t an issue with you.”
And then, like that, a dam burst.
“It’s me. I lied to you. About not having an ability.” His jaw clenched, head bowing. His look was much the same as when the man had stuck him with the crossbow. “Solara. I kill people. People I don’t want to kill. I make them sick...”
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Post by Solara Ell Polst on Oct 7, 2017 8:36:34 GMT
She waited for him to speak. Even though her body was tense and coiled as if ready to escape she forced herself to wait. To see if he would for once let her in on what was going on inside his head. Eventually, he spoke after settling back onto the floor in a more comfortable position. But with his head bowed and white-knuckle grip on her clothing he appeared anything but relaxed. It wasn't her he said and she didn't reply, feeling that there was more.
And oh was there.
"You...lied to me?" She repeated like a fool. Her brows furrowing. And then came the bigger hit, one that still left her scrambling and confused. He killed people he didn't want to kill because of his ability? What sort of power was it that he had? Her lips turned down into a frown but she didn't offer to scoot away nor console him as he bowed under the weight of the admission. "Is that why you've stayed away? You could have killed me without wanting to?" She had so many questions but she didn't want to bombard him with all of them at once. But the most incessant one wouldn't be asked. Not yet at least. Why wouldn't you tell me? If his ability caused him to kill others without wishing to she could understand the secrecy. But they weren't just acquaintances any longer. He wasn't just a customer or a Commander of the Immortal Army.
He was someone she cared about.
And yet they both still held their secrets close. Solara's were apparently not nearly so interesting as his own. Details about her past, her youth, her mother, her fiance. Connor always gave very little in the way of information, perhaps less than she. But she hadn't blatantly lied to him about any of it. Connor had however, all the while joking about her being a hibernating bear. Well at least a sleeping bear didn't accidentally kill anyone. "How....how do you kill people?" Her grip on the dagger had tightened until the intricate swirls were etched into her skin. She didn't know what to think of any of this. But she did know she had never seen Connor like this and that in itself was enough to scare her.
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Commander of the Immortal Army
Bisexual, Prefers Women.
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Authored by Rhys.
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Post by Connor Lachesis on Oct 7, 2017 16:25:01 GMT
Connor could hear the sting in her words, the confusion, and yet he kept his head bowed. His entire body felt like it was in pain, resistant to the idea of speaking any further. He did not feel relieved for having said anything, despite having held onto the burden for so long. It felt like some hand had reached inside of him, and was pulling something vital out for her to see.
You selfish prick. Say it. The murmur of thought was soft, certainly not his own, and yet it didn’t altogether stick out compared to the others surging through his head. His jaw clenched then unclenched. He actually rolled his shoulders, and then forced his face up. Not looking at her, but looking at the space between them as he spoke – his grip didn’t release from the bundle, still. “Not just you. Everyone. I can count on one hand the number of people who know. Absolutely nobody here at Court, and only if they found out.” Well, the number who knew and yet lived. At least two of those were Werebeats, unaffected.
Why was this happening? Why did he yet speak more? “It strikes when I touch people, flesh to flesh. The chance of something happening. It doesn’t usually happen right away, but seeing someone too many times in too short a span…” He shook his head, lips tightening, before he continued. Finally, he released his grip on the fabric, but only so he could rake his fingers through his hair. His fingers lingered against his scalp practically tearing at the strands.
”Sometimes it causes small things, colds, things that go unnoticed. I got worried about it, you… before the ball.” Of course that had been something small, her sniffle. A summer cold, nothing which would’ve shot out as overly concerning. He looked like he might have well been stricken right across the face. “The worst of it, I can’t describe properly. It’s like plague in the lungs. It strikes quickly.” Images, the faces of others, flashed through his thoughts with an overwhelming intensity. For perhaps the first time, such a thing started turning his stomach a little. “I didn’t want to see that happen to you. To risk it, because I was seeing you so often. That’s why I haven’t been around. I’ve been looking for your stock, too, but was the reason…” The last bit was resolute, deadpan, his jaw setting again. His eyes finally met hers, before they fell to where her hand mercilessly gripped the swirls of her dagger.
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Post by Solara Ell Polst on Oct 7, 2017 16:49:41 GMT
Solara watched him as he spoke even though his gaze didn't meet hers.No one had court knew. That wasn't worth of a response from her, not telling these people something so...delicate was understandable. Rumors spread like wildfire inside these stone walls. He continued on, details then. Flesh to flesh. "Your gloves...." She said softly. Her gaze shifting back to the bedroom where they lay beside the basin. Even if she couldn't see them. It all made sense. He wore them to avoid those accidental brushes of day to day contact. And the frequency was apparently a factor. He hadn't seen her all that often before she moved in here.
Before the ball-her cold. Solara gripped the dagger so tightly it hurt. Her dark eyes fluttering down from his face to his knees. A slight quiver to them. He could have killed her. And yet he never honored her with that information that his touch was deadly. That he was the unseen viper in the grass. His words about looking for her horses barely registered. With everything he had just told her it hardly seemed important.
"....you should have told me." Her voice was strong despite the way her chest ached. She felt betrayed. She could have died any number of times and he didn't even give her the respect of letting her know. "You should have let me decide if you were worth it." She felt as if she were breaking. These deep fissures spreading to her soul. She would have been shocked of course had he informed her. But it wouldn't have hurt as badly as knowing that her friend was literally playing with her life without even telling her.
"My answer might have surprised you." She reached out then, but not to touch Connor. Instead, it was to grab the last of her things from where he had let them fall. Her face was stiff with deliberate calm although a storm brewed just beneath her skin. "Would you have ever told me?" She got to her feet, staring down at him with her meager belongings in her arms. "Or were you just planning to wait until you came home and found me dead?" She didn't want to hurt him, it wasn't as if he could help his ability. But he could help not telling her. Her face twisted with pain and she turned away, swallowing hard against her emotions. No. She wasn't going to let them overflow. No matter how badly it hurt.
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Post by Connor Lachesis on Oct 7, 2017 17:21:42 GMT
His gloves. She’d pieced that together quickly. “Yes.” The murmur was soft, a confirmation. With that, he felt her resolve shifting away. Felt as though any semblance of something easy, something pleasurable that he’d created in interacting with her was being swept away, obliterated, as a bank in an overflowing river, or a citadel in a siege.
You should have let me decide if you were worth it. Oh, but he wasn’t, and he knew it. Her words weren’t meant to be a snub, not exactly, and yet the flare of pain the words elicited felt as if he’d been knifed in the side. There was nothing he could say to it, no way to defend himself. He knew that what he’d done, what he kept doing, was purposefully selfish. Purposefully unfair. It was as though he were trying to take something for himself that simply wasn’t meant to be, and that made someone who was a powerful man feel entirely crippled.
His eyes flicked briefly as she started to gather her things. The way he felt in those moments was little different than any of the number of times he’d taken blows, but the pain centered in his chest, in breathing. It wasn’t any type of way he’d felt before; to have stared down the eyes of someone who died when you didn’t know them was different than to feel as though you’d hurt someone who did matter. He’d never been close enough to know that before. “I wanted to at times, well before now. But I… I was scared.” Body in motion, he rose. He would obstruct her path to the door, his back pressing against the wood, so he might finally hold her shirt out as an offering.
“Solara… I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I didn’t want anything to happen. I didn’t… I wasn’t going to let you…” He didn’t have a say, but he had tried. Tried to right a wrong that he’d initiated in intention at first, but feared. Something that had taken a life of its own, outside of his control. As he looked at her, there was a moist, glazed quality to his eyes. His expression reeled with the same pain that seemed to twist her own. And his voice wavered in a way that had a tinny, gravelly quality that was foreign to his ears. “…Solara… I’m sorry.” The air was thick between them, heavy in a way that reminded him very much of the time before two armies came together – and yet, he also felt as though a blade were leveled at his chest. The worst part? She wasn't unjustified. He'd done this to himself. He was a very powerful man, made to helpless.
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Post by Solara Ell Polst on Oct 7, 2017 17:42:50 GMT
Scared. An emotion she would have never attached to the commanding, daring man. But there it was. "Scared of what?" Because it mattered. Boy how it mattered. He could perhaps just be afraid of her outing his 'gift' to the others here at the castle. She wasn't about to make presumptions. Not now. He rose and moved to lean back against the door. Solara stared at him with a sliver of anger surfacing until she sat on the edge of the table with her filthy pants undoubtedly leaving dark stains on the wood.
She had to look away at the sound of his apology. Because it was Connor and her resolve had always been so weak against him. He had enchanted her in a matter of hours. Impressed her when few did. "-let me die?" She finished for him, a soft humorless laugh falling from her lips. With the door still blocked she dropped her things on the table beside her carelessly. One hand running over her face and through her mass of curls where the fingers would cling until they fell away. She didn't like feeling like this. That wall she had so steadily built over the years, this was why it existed. If you let people in they hurt you.
It was twisted. She could see now that by staying away he had been trying to protect her but a lie of omission was still a lie. He could have killed her....that was no small thing. But he was also the man who had saved her life, taken her into his home even at the risk of her finding out a secret that he apparently didn't want anyone in the castle to know about. She didn't know what to feel. She looked back at him when he apologized again. His voice soft and pained. Holding more emotion that she had ever heard from him. It struck a cord inside her.
She moved slowly, this time not dragging her gaze away from his as she moved forward until she was just in front of him. She should have been afraid to touch him but she had so many times without incident that it was hard for her to see it as dangerous. "...don't lie to me again, Connor." Her voice was wavering but still not timid. It wasn't a request but a command. In a move that made no sense to her given everything she had just been told she found herself moving against him. Lips roughly finding his own. Not timid and soft as his kiss had been when he had tried to stop her from leaving. But hungry and full of emotion that she could express no other way.
She broke away suddenly, well aware that she was now playing with fire...but had been a while unbeknownst to her. "Ever." If he did this friendship or whatever the hell it was would end abruptly. And then her lips were on his again, her fingers playing over the bare skin of his chest.
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Post by Connor Lachesis on Oct 7, 2017 18:20:27 GMT
Her inquiry was one that again caused him a moment of pause. He had struggled, greatly, to try to articulate such a thing at all given the state of things. To explain it was entirely another matter. Had he feared her spreading the information? No. it wasn’t that. Even given things, even expecting her to tell him to move and to brush out and away, he didn’t fear that. To disappear, to drop off the face of the Oedir yet again as he had countless times previously, that would be easy. But to be forced to never see someone again, when they found out something so awful… To know you couldn’t do anything, against them or otherwise, to stop it. “I was scared of your judgement. Of you never wanting to see me again.” There, short, succinct, to the point. He didn’t understand any of the emotions clouding his thoughts like smoke, petrifying and paralyzing his chest with agony.
Slowly, as she seemed to not approach to take the article of clothing, he dropped his hand. Drawing them together again, he held it once more as though it were a shield before him. Any such protection did not extend to the soft, humorless laugh so made when she vocalized a conclusion to his thought. His teeth clenched, and he only nodded slowly, deliberately. Accepting it. It was a truth he couldn’t promise, only something he’d desired. She would know the same.
The sound of her casting her things aside on the table commanded his gaze from where he’d looked away at her words. And then, her footsteps sounded slowly. He willfully ignored the blurry quality that his eyes had as he blinked, watching her approach him. He full expected a strike, expected her to jab a finger in his chest and to tell him to move. When her steps stopped, pausing with her before him, he braced himself. It took a herculean effort – to try to stifle the feelings surging within, to accept what was to come. When her mouth opened, however, what came was not what he expected.
And then her lips were upon his own. His weight shifted backward against the door for a moment, stunned, before he seemed to sink into the hungry contact. The only break was her command, an order which simultaneously put him on edge for the potentiality of it, and for the mercy. He allowed the shirt he’d been holding to fall from his fingers, slowly, tentatively moving to place his hands about her waist a moment later, even as he sought to match her fiery, angry kisses.
To say he’d try, he knew, would not be sufficient for her. Though the kisses did temper the painful feelings in his blood slightly, the concern persisted. Quieter, but insistent. Internally, any voice of protest was aghast. This was the beginning of him putting himself in a very, very compromising position. And he fully anticipated she wouldn’t be happy, when she learned the rest. But, that what she wanted. Pausing, breaking the string of kisses, he pressed his forehead to hers. “I won’t lie, but I can’t promise you’ll like it. Alright?” His fingers twisted loosely in the fabric of the shirt she wore, his shirt, as if imploring her to not pull away.
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Post by Solara Ell Polst on Oct 7, 2017 18:56:26 GMT
“I was scared of your judgement. Of you never wanting to see me again.” That admission had been unexpected especially given the disappearing act he had been pulling for weeks now. But after hearing about his ability she understood that now. It wasn't as if they were the sort of people that spoke of emotions often. They covered things with flirtation, with humor, and otherwise. But being lain bare was not a comfortable position to be in and Solara was surprised just how strongly the commander could affect her after only a few months.
He pulled back then, his forehead resting against her own. She was breathing hard, a testament to how upset she had been. How her emotions had rocketed and fell faster than she could keep up with. His statement made her smile although perhaps not a normal happy one or even the sly coy smile she wore on occasion. But one of understanding. "There are many things I dislike but I can still handle, Commander." His recent spill about his ability being one of them. "I'm not so easily broken." Strong words from someone who had felt her world quaking only a few minutes before. But she didn't see herself as weak. And surely nothing he could tell her could be worse than 'Hey I could have killed you but haven't yet so yay?'.
Her hands fell away from his chest, one curling around his that clung to the shirt she wore. Working her fingers between his own until they were laced together. She couldn't say she completely forgave him. She didn't. He had been selfish, and if her life was on the line she should at least be aware of it. But she did want to move past this. She did care for him, and up until this moment, she had trusted him. If he could earn it back would be determined by the future and she wouldn't pretend to know him well enough to know how it might go.
She stepped back a bit, her fingers still joined with his. Worried lines still creasing her forehead. She didn't want to die because of anyone. But was she really willing to step back and erase him from her life for a maybe? No. She wasn't. "....is there anything else I should know while we are both already upset?" She felt more drained than before now. Exhausted not only physically but mentally as well. "We never really...talk...about things. I guess this is where that gets us." Her free hand rose to push a wild curl back from her eyes. Dark orbs that shifted uncomfortably between Connor and the room around them. It was...strange. For them to be in an emotional situation like this. She was very much out of her comfort zone.
She reached out suddenly to take his other hand, trying to pull him to the bedroom where she would release him. If they were going to talk, not talk. Whatever. She at least wanted to sit...if of course he wanted her here. She undid the button of her pants and wriggled her hips but paused with her pants still on. "Would it be easier for you if I'm not here?" She wouldn't be hurt if so, but she did want to know. She felt like she was flying blind. "I've felt like I've been pushing you out of your own home for weeks now...."
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